Flirting with fractions

One-eighth of me, or maybe a tenth, is acutely aware of the approximately 22 inches that separate your shoulder and mine. One casual shift later, I'm four inches closer. I can always just blame it on your magnetic force pulling me in.

One or two-fifths of me is analyzing your body language subtly. Have you inched closer to me, or is it just my wishful imagination? Oh I'm simply an academically inclined girl, dull next to your golden shine. The odds are not in my favour. Or maybe just a tenth of it is.

At least one-fourth of me is wishing something would happen already. There's a fair probability that all this waiting will amount to nothing. Is this all just a waste of time? I wonder. I hesitate to hypothesize.

A good third of me is now close to hyperventilating. Your arm is brushing mine. Either you moved closer or I did. It could be both. It better be. Only I don’t want to come up as desperate.

Santa Claus: 7 wild facets of the jolly man in red

1. Santa Claus was a real person…well, kind of. The Santa Claus we know today is loosely based on the real St. Nicholas, Bishop of Myra, who was born around the year 270 A.D. St. Nicholas developed a reputation for helping the poor, and particularly impoverished children. Legend has it that small children would leave their shoes out so that St. Nicholas would leave treats and coins in them. However, some sources say that St. Nicholas also had a reputation for being a bit rowdy and was even known for having struck another bishop at one time. Today St. Nicholas, the predecessor to our modern day Santa Claus, is recognized by the Catholic Church as the patron saint of children, thieves, students, butchery, sailors, merchants and pawnbrokers among others. The diversity of his patron sainthood appears to also reflect the diversity of his real life reputation. He is one of the most depicted of the recognized saints, second only to Mary.

2. Santa Claus was a bachelor until the late 19th century. The first mention of a spouse for Santa is believed to have been in a short story titled A Christmas Legend by James Rees in 1849. Perhaps if Santa Claus had remained a bachelor, there would be even more than seven wild facts to report about the jolly man in red.

10 life lessons from How I Met Your Mother

In case you didn't catch the lessons this show teaches because you were too busy laughing, here are 10 life lessons from How I Met Your Mother!

1. IF IT’S MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE

#1 of all the life lessons that anyone can take away from How I Met Your Mother is if it's meant to be, it will be. Throughout the show, Ted is constantly searching for the love of his life so he can get married. As it turns out, after eight seasons, Ted still isn't even close to being married. Thus we learn the age old lesson of it's it meant to be, it will be. You shouldn't go looking for love, love is supposed to find you.

2. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS HARDLY EVER WORK

Please note that this life lesson is titled Long Distance Relationships HARDLY Ever Work because sometimes they do. However, my personal experience and HIMYM both prove that it is very rare that they work out especially if over a long period of time. In the first season, Ted is dating Victoria who gets offered a fellowship at a culinary institute in Germany. At the airport, Ted and Victoria decide to give long distance a try, both saying that it will work. However, Future Ted tells his kids that it didn't, and that long-distance relationships hardly ever work. In the next episode we learn that Ted hates having to be on the phone all the time and is running out of things to talk about with Victoria. The next life lesson will let you know how the long distance relationship ended.

3. NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS AFTER 2 A.M

This is definitely one of my favorite life lessons that I've learned from HIMYM because I've found it to be so true in my life. In the first season, Ted is in a long distance relationship with Victoria which he feels is starting to fall apart. Meanwhile, Robin finally realizes her feelings for Ted and invites him over after 2 a.m. to "make juice". Trying to decide what to do, Ted remembers a saying his mother used to have: "Nothing good happens after 2 a.m." Believing that Victoria was going to be breaking up with him anyway, Ted goes over to Robin's apartment. When Ted arrives at Robin's apartment, he lies about breaking up with Victoria and they begin kissing. However, when Ted excuses himself to go to the bathroom to secretly call Victoria, he realizes he has Robin's phone and Robin has answered his phone when Victoria calls. Furious that Ted lied to her about them having broken up, Robin gives him his phone telling him to call Victoria back. Future Ted reminds his kids that nothing good happens after 2 a.m. and inevitably loses both Robin and Victoria in one night.

4. THINGS YOU MAY NOT HAVE LIKED BEFORE MAY NOT BE THAT BAD LATER ON

In season one, Ted finds an old shirt he owned for six years but had never previously liked and realizes he now likes it. He later discovers that he likes Bourbon, which he thought he hated. Realizing that his tastes have changed, he decides to reconsider girls he has previously dated but did not seem right at the time. This is definitely a life lesson everyone can relate to. I used to hate eating mushrooms and now I love them! Also, people I used to know from high school and had no interest in being friends with back then, I now talk to on a regular basis.

Cute things kids do and say

I have a black thumb when it comes to flowers but I had managed to succeed in having one lone flower in our backyard. While I was observing it , my little toddler was with me. So I said, "Now, Patti, don't pick that flower or it won't grow big". I went back inside and soon Patti came in with my flower! When I asked her why she picked my flower she replied, "But Mommie, it was not growing it was just standing there".
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My sister shared something her little toddler said while flying for the first time. Her daughter was looking out the window and asked, "Mommie, why are we flying upside down?" (they were flying above a layer of clouds.)
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Another story I heard years ago..It seems the father had buried a pet cat in the backyard. He told his young child that this way it could go to Heaven and be with Jesus. It seems the child got curious one day and dug it up.. then came running into the house yelling, "DADDIE! DADDIE! Our cat couldn't go to Heaven!"
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My son David, when he was about 4, wanted a garden. I helped him plant a few radishes under my kitchen window. They hadn't seemed to grow properly and I wondered why. Then one morning I heard David talking to his little friend. He was telling the boy about his radishes. I decided to join them and while I was walking towards them I saw David pull out a radish and say, "See my radish?". He then put it back in the ground.
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When my little Patti was about 2 or so, she was playing in our fenced backyard. I was in the basement washing with the door to the backyard open so I could hear my little girl. I noticed she started talking to herself a bit. "Num Num", she said. I knew she had nothing to eat so I quickly ran to her. She held out her hand and repeated.."Num Num" To my horror in her hand was the remains of a baby bird which must have fallen from the nest!! I grabbed Patti and ran for the house, trying to get what was in her mouth outside, while I was running. I was a young mother and scared to death of what just took place.

I quickly called the doctor. "PATTI ATE A BIRD!", I sobbed out. To my horror the doctor started laughing hysterically? When he could finally gain control of himself he said, "Give her a glass of water to wash it down"...then started laughing again.

For the membership badge

Tap tap, tap-tap-tap.
Mr Bajaj used to assign to us an elegant timing that defined a special breed of clap. “It’s called the scout’s punch clap,” he would say. “When times aren’t in your favour, when you need someone to cover your back, go for punch claps. Remember, if you clap this way, help will arrive in no time.”

On the first bench in class, I wondered what kind of ‘help’ he meant. Still, I clapped. I sang scout songs to the beat. I danced. I coiled ropes. I volunteered. I became a scout. All of us did. Because initially, everyone had been interested in attending his classes. With time, however, the interest waned sharply.

Scouting was funny business. It could be interesting and intimidating, both at the same time. Interesting, because outdoorsy events are always fun to learn. Intimidating and funny, because while Baden Powel had received countless medals of honour, we mostly earned cuts and bruises; one or two proficiency badges at most. Those and a copper woggle to insert the two tips of our rolled scarves in.

And in that duration, I was nearly murdered on a commando bridge. Our instructor had mentioned the rope could carry only one ropewalker at a time. It was tied with reef knots between two trees, and once you were on it, you were 20 feet in the air. When my turn came, Mr Bajaj realised—all of a sudden—that reef knots weren’t reliable at all. He untied the rope first and then tied a thief knot in its place. “You’re next. Be prepared,” he pointed at me.

The moment I put my boots on that rope, the world went kaput. I felt like a turbulent aeroplane in dog fight. The next thing I remember is lying on a hospital bed. They had pierced me with stainless steel needles at so many different points and angles that I felt like pincushion in many ways. A nurse came in every three hours or so to inject vials of pain killers which never relieved any pain. Mr Bajaj’s confusion between the reef knot and the thief knot had left me crippled for two months.

20 intriguing facts about Love

1. When a person falls in love, the ventral segmental area in the brain floods the caudate nucleus with dopamine. The caudate then signals for more dopamine; the more dopamine, the higher a person feels. The same system becomes activated when someone takes cocaine.

2. When someone looks at a new love, the neural circuits that are usually associated with social judgment are suppressed.

3. A four-leaf clover is often considered good luck, but it is also part of an Irish love ritual. In some parts of Ireland, if a woman eats a four-leaf clover while thinking about a man, supposedly he will fall in love with her.

4. Studies show that if a man meets a woman in a dangerous situation (and vice versa), such as on a trembling bridge, he is more likely to fall in love with her than if he met her in a more mundane setting, such as in an office.

5. Women around the world are more likely to fall in love with partners with ambition, education, wealth, respect, status, a sense of humor, and who are taller than they are.

6. The longer and more deliberate a courtship, the better the prospects for a long marriage. People who have intense, Hollywood-type romances at the beginning are more likely to divorce.

7. Women often feel loved when talking face to face with their partner; men, on the other hand, often feel emotionally close when they work, play, or talk side by side.

8. Historically, sweat has been an active ingredient in perfume and love potions.

9. The Mexican chief Montezuma considered chocolate a “love drug” and drank 50 cups of chocolate a day before visiting his harem of 600 women.

Define Love

1. "You can't put a price tag on love. But if you could, I'd wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
2. "I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
3. "Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." — Jackie Mason
4. "I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" — Jean Illsley Clarke
5. "Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing." — Natasha Leggero 
6. "I'm now making a Jewish porno film. 10% sex, 90% guilt." — Henny Youngman
7. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." — Garry Shandling
8. "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in." — Richard Jeni
9. "If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?" — Lily Tomlin
10. "Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." — Phyllis Diller
11. "My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." — Joan Rivers
12. "Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand." — Unknown
13. "Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there." — George Burns
14. "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." — Groucho Marx
15. "Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them." — Bill Maher
16. "If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz 
17. "Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers." — Richard Pryor
18. "There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." — Chris Rock
19. "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." — Billy Crystal
20. "Women love a self-confident bald man." — Larry David
21. "My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor." — Elayne Boosler
22. "My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning." — Ray Romano
23. "I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early." — Jack Benny
24. "Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family." — Chelsea Handler
25. "My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
26. "I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself." — Johnny Carson
27. "Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." — Woody Allen
28. "Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
29. "Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." — David Sedaris
30. "I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." — Rita Rudner 
31. "Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery." — Erma Bombeck

Define LOVE

I just found this, it's pretty touching and interesting to see how kids think about this subject.

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year olds, ‘What does love mean?’

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.

‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’
Rebecca - age 8

‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’

Billy - age 4

‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’ 

Karl - age 5

‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’ 

Chrissy - age 6

‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’ 

Terri - age 4

‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’ 

Danny - age 7