I have always envied the butterfly…
They might look withered, weak and profoundly dumb, but these tiny twinkles which are nothing but fairies in hiding. They are the luckiest of all creatures!
You ask why? Simply because they live three lives—one of a butterfly, another of the moth and the last: a transformation from the caterpillar. Again the carousal of life continues in its circling motion, flanked by more transformations and more joy.
And here we stand, cursing a life which gives you nothing but one life to live and experience it all! Love, hate, deprivation; emotions which may cause a wretched effects; and an encyclopedia of memories that always stand as best sellers forcing you to cherish everything—the bad and the moderate, the worst and the best of memories you may have accidentally or intentionally stumbled upon.
We all commit grave mistakes and there are no indicators of how deep those grave mistakes might be. But still our human mind functions quite mysteriously, as in the blink of an eye, we tend to repeat these mistakes all over again! Call it our egoistic drive that needs to prove every wrong happening right; but however far sighted we might claim ourselves to be, we will always realise at some drunken point of time that we have been eslaved by the influence of a dominant head which is ruled by no other then the Julius Ceasar of our body—our EGO!
Our favorite question, “Why do we make such fools out of ourselves??” This statement is also backed by our sane acknowledgment that we know how foolish we all can be (all the time)! I have, on countless occasions, cursed this person who broke my heart and I am still trying to heal it. Every single day I write about this person and try to figure out at least two flaws in that person in order to self-satisfy my heavenly ego which influences my mind as a bully clock, by constantly reminding me how stupid I had been in trusting this person!
Yes, I did cut down the strings of a kite that flew gloriously for many years! But still deep down I still feel for this person and the biggest crime I have been committing for the past many months is stalking this person everyday on social networking sites and even the social sites of this person’s friends! and again, as all victims of mobbed love do, I sit here blowing smoke on my laptop inhaling deep nicotine breaths wondering out loud whether the quote ‘Love is blind’ is a satire or a profound expression of how untiring love both gained and lost can be!
My friend always tells me that it is bad to get addicted to one’s past and nags me to embrace the positivity in new people, to try and dog sniff friendships and budding relationships with them! I did sniff and I sniffed real hard but again my mind plays the perfect host which weeds down people with its sophisticated grace and I am left with few options. And when you analyse the options, you are gifted the motherly gift of dilemma which is honeyed with pessimism, and in the back of your mind a quote basket balls time and again “Once bitten twice shy”. I sometimes wonder if life is like being a the janitor who lightens the dark alleys of ones own heart, singing a melancholic song which reminds one of what they have lost and what they will gain in the future.
But this word of wisdom comes with a warning sign: as all Cinderalls get their perfect carriages only if they control their emotional strings which constantly run wild in the memory of people who were and who are not meant to be.
A one pager about the greatest trial of my life stands as the Holy Grail; the solution is quite obvious: kill memories, breath newness in life and discard all generic events as bad dreams. But sometimes I wonder whether people who actually claim to have moved on are ‘professional liars’; as I am dead sure that memories, even those dated in the primitive years of our lives will always make an impression and will always stand as a reminder that will linger even in our graves. I can’t help but agree more with my friend who recently shared with me his thought on memories: “Everything that might happen to one will surely be a compromise in behest of all the memories that we have encountered in this life simply because a repetition of events and emotions will be nothing but a well rehearsed play”.
Honestly, we all know that we gain nothing but pain by rattling into cases of memories but deep down this Sherlock Holmes approach to things also helps us live; if not in comfort, but at least in pretense that we have been lucky to face emotions that are real, breath love which is true and witness events that have made it possible for us to dream practically. As for the bitter memories, we’ll always find a replacement, and even if we are provided with an option to live a life of compromise, we will surely learn how to tame our emotions and pave way for new memories.
Simply because we all are gifted with a meteor shower of an ego that will never bow down to the test of time!
- Ayush Joshi
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